Goodbye, Mom.

I'm sure many of you already know this, but my beautiful, amazing mama passed away very suddenly and very unexpectedly the night of October 24. Everyone who knew her, even for if just a little while knows how amazing she is. Was. Speaking about her in the past tense is something I will never get used to. My mom's cause of death (as we currently know it) was a pulmonary embolism. The pulmonary embolism was caused by blood clots on her lungs (which were originally mistaken and misdiagnosed as pneumonia) and the blood clots were caused by pancreatic cancer. We had no idea she had cancer again. She just had her quarterly checkup and scan not long ago, and nothing was found. (Since having uterine cancer almost five years ago she's had quarterly scans.) Pancreatic cancer is the same fucking awful disease that stole my Auntie Linda and my Father-in-Law, Tom. This was all found out via autopsy, which I am so grateful we chose to do. We were told by the coroner that if this didn't kill her at best she would have had another two months. Those would have been two months of a rapid decline and suffering. None of which we would have wanted for our mom. As horrific and shocking, and completely devastating as her sudden loss is, I know she was spared two terrible months, and in turn, we were spared. Her death would have been terrible at any point, even if she lived to 150. My mom was the greatest person in the world.

My family and I are all trying hard to get back to some sense of normalcy. Or at least what our new normal will people. Fact of the matter is, there is an enormous hole in each of our hearts that will never be replaced. It sucks. It hurts.

This is so raw, and I know it will be for a long, long while. We are all in a deep hole of sadness, and your prayers are appreciated.